Ramblings Of The Farmers Wife!

What is accomplished when we forgive or seek forgiveness? We can re-establish relationships with those we care about, have a clear consequence, gain empathy, and become humble. We have all had times in our lives when we have offended someone or have been offended. Some situations that would require forgiveness could be as follows:

• Unequal treatment by parents or spouse
• Unacceptance of spouse or romantic partner by parents or siblings
• Failure to protect a child from harm as a parent
• Repeated broken family commitments or prolonged absences
• Disagreements between siblings or spouse regarding caring for ill or elderly relatives
• Disputes regarding funerals or estate settlement

Repairing the damages caused by these situations in families can be hard to fix but not impossible. Hard work, dedication, and love will help in the forgiveness process. The three kinds of forgiveness are interpersonal transgressions, in which both parties are at fault. Roles of victim and offender are shared both seek mutual forgiveness. Bilateral forgiveness the offender seeks forgiveness from the victim and unilateral, or one-way forgiveness, where the offender will not or can not seek forgiveness from the victim. The victim can achieve forgiveness without the offender’s apology. You must recognize the offense, feel the sorrow for the offense, disclose the offense, avoid the behavior, and make restitution.

Forgiveness involves having empathy and humility. Being arrogant, selfish, or prideful will not allow us to become humble. To truly seek forgiveness, we must recognize and admit our mistake without blaming or trying to justify your actions. Empathy is understanding the feelings of the other person.  

I have had the opportunity to see forgiveness at work in my own family. Five siblings did not agree on their mother's care, and three went one way while two went another. There were deaths and births during those years of not talking. Several years later, one sibling reached out to all her siblings to bring peace and forgiveness to share their lives again. They all forgave each other and have since shared some fantastic times and comfort each other through some recent deaths.